Ok, one more for Valentines. We all need some light hearted fun between our serious conversation that we have each day.
Lol!! Isn’t this the truth!! Happy valentines my dear sweet gals!! Remember what an amazing loving person you are each day and that one day your love and care will be fully appreciated.
Hey guys. We’re getting crowded with comments in the previous post so let’s start a new thread here. Of course feel free to continue previous conversations.
I’ve been thinking a lot about a comment Lori posted about her therapist asking why she loved her MM? I’ve also been thinking in connection with a man I’ve recently tried to date, “how did he make you feel?”
I still believe you can’t help who you love and who your attracted to. But when I think of times I’ve not felt good as a result of trying to be with someone or in a relationship, I’ve often stayed much longer in a less than ideal situation because if those “in love” feelings. Which I think to be fair, are valid and legitimate feelings. But if the other side of the equation is a man not valuing me (usually through his actions) and not treating me well, I have to learn to let these loves go. It can hurt for sure and you can be left alone but there are worse things in life. We can’t put the attraction and love ahead of everything so we end up lost and hurt in the end. Which, I know I have done because I thought it was a true connection and maybe it was but when it’s not reciprocated I’m learning the skill of walking away. You don’t have to be super sweet or nice about it or a total bitch about it but it definitely can’t be left to fester as I know for sure that strategy doesn’t work.
Thanks for all the great comments ladies. I’m so grateful to you for participating in this tiny little corner of the universe. Wishing you all happy times ahead and maybe an available man or two who treat you like precious gold!!
Check out this clip from the show Louie. What a way to shift your thinking on heartbreak. Not them I’m going to seek it out again :-) but such an interesting And I think wise perspective.
Elizabeth Gilbert posted this today and I wanted to share it with you guys. It’s quite a powerful message and the delivery is so charismatic! You may have to link to youtube to watch but it’s definitely worth it and it’s just a 3 min video! I love what I’ve been reading from you guys. Even in dating you still have people walking away or uninterested and it’s so inspiring to me to read the strong comments and empowering comments and to shift focus to the things that are within control instead of focusing on what can’t be changed. Hope you guys have a great week and that we can all shift to a little brighter and stronger space as we move along in this life! Thank you do much for all the sharing and comments you post.
I want to wish everyone the happiest of New Years! What a crazy journey it is that we experience when we agreed to be the OW. And as much as I’ve regretted my decision at times, at the same time, I’m where I am in life exactly because of this decision. It opened up a new path of possibility that frankly might not have been possible had I not hit the bottom of the rock. It may have taken me a long time to realize this but it is the truth Had I stayed in my old life and became perhaps his main woman I still would have been stuck in the same locale that doesn’t quite do it for me and definitely would never had ventured out to change my career path. I’ve moved, met new friends, dated different men, some of who have been very handsome and fun and even started this blog. Lol!
My heart and life were forever changed. I did exierience extreme grief in the process of getting here and I know how devastating it can be to feel so discarded after loving someone so completely and feeling so connected only then to see a completely different man appear when the going got tough. It was absolutely beyond painful to exierience that. But, it caught hold of me and shifted my life.
And, although I don’t wish this for anyone, it’s my personal story and path… The good and the bad. Ya know??
Please be safe whatever you may be doing tonight. Be kind to yourself and take a risk… Who knows what great person you may meet or who may be in your new future.
hugs and love…
Please read this over and over until it permeates your heart. Know that you are worth being treated with love and respect no matter the situation.
Carry on… Don’t give up on you!!
That is all.
Alright lovely gals (and guys if you’re out there), I read these wise words from Stephen King today and thought I’d share…
“The immediate, personal, and most agonzing grief of Jud Crandall passed, that grief which psychologists say begins about three days after the death of a loved one and holds hard from four to six weeks in most cases – like that period of time New Englanders sometimes call “deep winter.” But time passes, and time welds one state of human feeling into another until they become something like a rainbow. Strong grief becomes a softer, more mellow grief; mellow grief becomes mourning; mourning at last becomes remembrance – a process that may take from six months to three years and still considered normal.”
– Stephen King (Pet Cemetery)
Firt off…phew I guess I’m in the “normal” range. barely! lol. But, in all seriousness, you’ve heard me talk about the loss of our MM being like a death and I know that it certainly was that for me. But I love the comments I’m hearing about our deep capacity for love, and I have found that capacity across the board in all OW woman I have engaged with. By lisening to your comments and my own heart, it has to be true! We seem to love very deeply and unconditionally and from a very sweet and caring place. And, of course when you love so deeply and so much, it can be more painful when a break occurs. They say that the grief matches the intensity of the love. (Damn, I hate that, but okay, whatever! :) ) So, it seems it is something positive to have a great capacity for love. Of course we often have a lesson in grief and loss that we have to learn as well, which isn’t so fun, but I’d much rather have the capacity to love and a little more pain than the opposite. Although, now we have to have some safety measures built in around our hearts while still being open to the idea of loving and living again. It’s not easy!! But, it’s possible and something I still have to work on each day. Sometimes I over correct,and assume all kinds of bad things about a man’s intent or misread their actions as hostile or get very judgmental myself about their behaviors, but I’m hopefully learning. And, one day maybe I’ll be lucky enough again to find great love.
There’s been so much discussion and chatting as of late that I wanted to post a fresh post so we can move our discussion to a new page.
I know the fresh wound of betrayal and abandonment is extremely painful and a tough road to navigate, and there’s no simple time table that one can give on how long it will take. But, don’t give up on yourself. That’s the key. You will be sad. If you deeply love someone and that person hurts you, it’s going to take time and effort to heal but it’s worth it in every way imaginable. The early days for me were extremely painful. I drank vodka with very little soda water, I cried myself to sleep every night and could rarely sleep. My heart and soul ached every moment for the man I loved. I had very little in the way of outside support and I had a moment or several moments of thinking I wasn’t going to be be able to live. That’s how much my heart was broken. It actually hurts my heart just thinking about that dark time in my life. But I had to hit a rock bottom. And this was definitely it. Without it, I wouldn’t be me. I wouldn’t have made the changes in my life that in time led to joy, peace and at times even new love and romantic interests. I’ve had to relearn my early conditioning that taught me that I was unworthy, less than, unattractive and begin on the road to acceptance of all of myself, flaws included.
The words you ladies post often have been as a healing balm to me and I want to thank you so much for those words of love, encouragement and kindness.
There truly is hope for better days. That may sound too simple or maybe it’s not said very eloquently but I’ve found it to be my own truth. When I thought I couldn’t make it, somehow I muddled through even if I wasn’t doing all the right things like being positive or being social… Something held me through this insane grief and it is holding you too.
Over four years ago, the man I loved had no problems in saying goodbye and breaking my heart in a very cruel way. And, now that I can see it looking from the outside, I know that he is not the man for me… The man for me will love and adore me and would never dream of severing communication, acting cold and cruel or turning his his back on me. Duh!!!! Right???
Until I find the true love of my life, I will simply try to live and create more joy and happy moments in my life. I also will work to gracefully get through my tough times and not be so hard in myself for my sad and deflated moments. We are human… there no such thing as perfectly perfect no matter how hard some try to appear that way. We have sadness and anger to work through. I know it’s a pain in the rear but it’s just one element of life and it doesn’t take away from building all the awesome amazing times that often follow these tougher times.
I’m thinking of the many sad and also encouraging things that have been posted over the last few weeks. My heart aches when I hear of the pain and sadness because I know it so well and if I say things about disconnecting from “these” men, it’s only said because I don’t want you gals to suffer more than you already have. I want you to feel relief from the sadness, and trying something new, making changes and ultimately looking back and truly wondering, “how, how, how did I ever love this man???????”
On that note, for those of you who are beyond the initial grief, “How did we ever love these men!” Lol!!!
Hugs to you all.